Fifteen…

If I let out a huge sigh, could you read within it all my thoughts and feelings?

They are wrapped up tight right now.  Hard to put a finger on. Difficult to express.

It isn’t just a sigh of things past or of time slipping through my fingers.  It isn’t just a sigh expressing wonderings about the future.  And it isn’t just a sigh of anticipation and uncertainty of the new ground we are treading upon.

It’s a sigh that contains everything I feel about you, my beautiful, brown eyed boy.

Fifteen?  How can it be?

I saw a picture of you the other day.  You were 18 months old with a head full of sandy curls.  Your cheeks were round and your eyes so brown and beautiful.

I cried.

I can’t look at those pictures, lately.

They tear me up. 

A part of me wants to hold you so close and keep you with me.  I know I can’t. I know it wouldn’t be good for you or for me.  Yet this ole’ heart of mine is yearning to do just that.

 

Part of that sigh is a longing to keep you here with me, close and young and super connected to your momma.  The other part of the sigh is full of pride.

You are growing into such a wonderful young man.  I see it, daily. 

My hard working boy.  You never shirk your duty.  Your just like your Papa that way.  Always willing to pitch in and help those in need.  Always working at your job till it is done and done well.

 

And your heart…pure softness.  Your like your Grandpa that way.  You love the babies.  Whenever your nieces and nephews are around you can often be found with one of those little ones in your arms.  You are the grand protector of you little sister and such a help to me where she is concerned.

With fifteen comes some big changes.  A time of newness, growing and stretching.

I’m praying for you and I’ll be here close by when you need me.  But, I promise I won’t be hanging on too tightly or smothering your independence as you face another year of becoming the man God intends you to be.

 

Oh, and I’ll try not to sigh to loudly!

 

Happy Birthday, I love you!