I’m a worrier by nature. I think I was born worrying. As I got older the worry, turned to anxiety and then exploded into fear.
I’ve fought fear’s debilitating grip on my life for years. I prayed and begged God to take it from me, but still it remained. It immobilized me. It morphed me into someone I didn’t like. I became obsessive and compulsive. Most days I didn’t care if I or my children EVER left the house.
Last spring, at a ladies conference, (that I wanted to go to, yet was afraid to go to) it finally hit me. A light bulb moment. I still had so much fear in my life, because I refused to hand it over to God. I was refusing to trust Him in all things. That weekend my healing began.
Days, weeks, and months of studying, praying, and seeking God began. And the fear evaporated. It was the first time in 14 years that I wasn’t engulfed by fear.
Until last week.
When I listened to the enemy’s lies and picked up the fear I had laid down.
A week spent weighed down. Stomach aches each and every day. Depression. Tiredness. And an inability to feel God near.
Which is really ironic, because last week I was preparing to take part in a ladies conference on Saturday where I was part of the ministry team. My first opportunity to minister to other ladies in such a capacity. I was super excited at first, but as the week wore on dread started to take over. Fear drenched me.
More ironic than ironic was the fact that my portion for the conference was a drama, that I had written (hello!). My character was a lady who was burdened down. She was carrying all this weight, a whole bunch of baggage. Guilt, depression, anger, addiction, fear, unbelief…
My character/me weighed down with baggage (actually VERY heavy field stone packed into my purse)
In the drama, she/I end up seeking God, crying out to Him and giving everything up to Him in prayer.
Oh Lord, Save me! Help me! I don’t want these burdens. I can’t carry them any more. I’m so tired, weary, worn down, broken. I give you my fears, my anger, my depression, my guilt, my control, my LIFE. Fill me Jesus. Fill the voids created by my self reliance. Fill them with your mercy, grace, and peace. Fill them with your love. Fill these black holes with your glorious, Holy presence. Fill them with your strength. Fill ME with your power and your healing. You Lord are light and majesty. King of kings and Lord of lords. You are El-Shaddai, All sufficient. You are Jehovah Rapha, my healer. You are Adonai, my Lord and Master. You alone can carry my load. I trust you. Lord, I trust you. You alone are enough! You are more than enough!
I don’t know if I my drama touched anyone else’s heart, but it totally spoke to mine. There was a lot less acting involved and a whole boat load full of honesty.
What it boiled down to was that when I picked my fears back up again, I stopped trusting God. How foolish. I had the cure and I chose the illness instead. Very thick headed, indeed.
How about you?
What are you carrying today? What is weighing you down? Is it concern for you children? Anger. Guilt. What is weighing you down? Is fear wrapping its icy grip around your heart? Addiction. Unbelief. What is weighing you down? Are you being pulled under by depression? Or have you given your heart and attention over to something other than God? What is weighing you down? Are you confused and lack complete trust in who God is and what he desires for you? Are you bitter? Or shy? What is weighing you down?
There is freedom from your burdens, right here, right now! Jesus has the answer.
Matt. 11:28 says, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.”
Jesus is waiting. Will you trust Him today? He desires to carry your burdens for you.
Bring your burdens offer them up to the Lord. They are no longer yours! He will free you from the weight you have been carrying for so long.
So what are you going to choose? Will it be Jesus, who is LIFE and REST or will it be your burdened, weighed down, worry-filled, worn out, unfulfilled life?
I’ll give you a hint: Jesus is the only choice that will give you joy, freedom and rest.
I choose Jesus!