I’m a worrier by nature. I think I was born worrying. As I got older the worry, turned to anxiety and then exploded into fear.
I’ve fought fear’s debilitating grip on my life for years. I prayed and begged God to take it from me, but still it remained. It immobilized me. It morphed me into someone I didn’t like. I became obsessive and compulsive. Most days I didn’t care if I or my children EVER left the house.
Last spring, at a ladies conference, (that I wanted to go to, yet was afraid to go to) it finally hit me. A light bulb moment. I still had so much fear in my life, because I refused to hand it over to God. I was refusing to trust Him in all things. That weekend my healing began.
Days, weeks, and months of studying, praying, and seeking God began. And the fear evaporated. It was the first time in 14 years that I wasn’t engulfed by fear.
Until last week.
When I listened to the enemy’s lies and picked up the fear I had laid down.
The result.
A week spent weighed down. Stomach aches each and every day. Depression. Tiredness. And an inability to feel God near.
Which is really ironic, because last week I was preparing to take part in a ladies conference on Saturday where I was part of the ministry team. My first opportunity to minister to other ladies in such a capacity. I was super excited at first, but as the week wore on dread started to take over. Fear drenched me.
More ironic than ironic was the fact that my portion for the conference was a drama, that I had written (hello!). My character was a lady who was burdened down. She was carrying all this weight, a whole bunch of baggage. Guilt, depression, anger, addiction, fear, unbelief…
My character/me weighed down with baggage (actually VERY heavy field stone packed into my purse)
In the drama, she/I end up seeking God, crying out to Him and giving everything up to Him in prayer.
Oh Lord, Save me! Help me! I don’t want these burdens. I can’t carry them any more. I’m so tired, weary, worn down, broken. I give you my fears, my anger, my depression, my guilt, my control, my LIFE. Fill me Jesus. Fill the voids created by my self reliance. Fill them with your mercy, grace, and peace. Fill them with your love. Fill these black holes with your glorious, Holy presence. Fill them with your strength. Fill ME with your power and your healing. You Lord are light and majesty. King of kings and Lord of lords. You are El-Shaddai, All sufficient. You are Jehovah Rapha, my healer. You are Adonai, my Lord and Master. You alone can carry my load. I trust you. Lord, I trust you. You alone are enough! You are more than enough!
I don’t know if I my drama touched anyone else’s heart, but it totally spoke to mine. There was a lot less acting involved and a whole boat load full of honesty.
What it boiled down to was that when I picked my fears back up again, I stopped trusting God. How foolish. I had the cure and I chose the illness instead. Very thick headed, indeed.
How about you?
What are you carrying today? What is weighing you down? Is it concern for you children? Anger. Guilt. What is weighing you down? Is fear wrapping its icy grip around your heart? Addiction. Unbelief. What is weighing you down? Are you being pulled under by depression? Or have you given your heart and attention over to something other than God? What is weighing you down? Are you confused and lack complete trust in who God is and what he desires for you? Are you bitter? Or shy? What is weighing you down?
There is freedom from your burdens, right here, right now! Jesus has the answer.
Matt. 11:28 says, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.”
Jesus is waiting. Will you trust Him today? He desires to carry your burdens for you.
Bring your burdens offer them up to the Lord. They are no longer yours! He will free you from the weight you have been carrying for so long.
So what are you going to choose? Will it be Jesus, who is LIFE and REST or will it be your burdened, weighed down, worry-filled, worn out, unfulfilled life?
I’ll give you a hint: Jesus is the only choice that will give you joy, freedom and rest.
I choose Jesus!
Love your honesty!
ReplyDeleteAnd even though I KNOW that Jesus is the only choice, I have picked up addiction, depression and laziness again! Sick of it...but not sick enough to let go. So twisted, isn't it?
Matthew 6: 25-27
ReplyDelete"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
I have had the last part of this highlighted in my bible since high school. I come from a family of over-anxious worriers. It's a battle all the time to relinquish control (as if I had any in the first place) and hand my worries over to God. I'm still working on this!!!
Amen! I know what you mean about worrying. When I let it get to me, I feel weighed down. This post was amazing! Its so wonderful to know He will take care of our worries.
ReplyDeleteLove your blog!
Seems that as you were toughin' others through your ministry you were ministering to your very soul.
ReplyDeleteFunny creatures aren't we, we'll take our burdens and cast 'em at the feet of Jesus only to pick them up again as we lift from our knees.
Can't ya just hear Jesus sayin'...hey you...why are you doin' that???
God bless and have a remarkable day sweetie!
Great skit...great post!
I wish all people with fears,real or imagined could find peace,having too many fears must be just terrible,may God be with you,and keep you safe always. Blessings Jane
ReplyDeleteFear and worry are a constant battle of mine. I really needed your words today. Thank you.
ReplyDeletePerfect timing. I have felt like God has been distant when it's really me who has chosen to try to figure things out on my own instead of resting in His arms. Thanks for sharing so openly. Sorry I missed the retreat. Love you!
ReplyDeleteWhat an encouraging post my friend. Thank you for sharing your heart. It is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteLove to you!
Camille XO
How timely..thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteGoing to get on my knees next and confess these very things.
PTL!
Are we the same girl???
ReplyDeleteMaybe just cut from the same run of cloth?
I am her.
The anxious, worrying kind of girl.
I always fear something "bad" will happen when we leave home.
And while it does not keep me at home.
I always, always think of it.
Plus, I don't fly.
Nor do we travel far and wide.
I am a homebody.
I always tell everyone that they will know, when I have given up control, when I get on a plane again.
Have not flown since 1988.
And then I have this daughter who travels the world without a care in the world...
Wonder how that happens! ;o)
Loved this Jenn!
Due to an unexpected family tragedy, I haven't felt this fearful in a long time. I feel like God directed me to your post today. I'm praying He will give me the peace that passes all understanding and that the knots in my stomach will go away and I was truly experience His peace because I know the battle truly does belong to the Lord. I just have to let go completely, not holding a single thread back. Bless you for sharing this today.
ReplyDeleteI've gone through many fears in life and thankfully have been learning over the years to give them up to Him. I wrote a post a long time ago about packing those burdens and fears in a backpack and taking them to the foot of the cross leaving them there....I thought. But noticed later, I must have let the strap get stuck in my shoe, because I would feel the same fears later. I must have dragged them back with me. Total surrender, leaving it totally with Him, and walking away with no straps attatched, is the only way to be free.
ReplyDeleteI know your post will touch many! Thank you for writing it and being so honest!
Worry hasn't been "my thing" but other "things" are. The "things" I hold onto instead of God.
ReplyDeleteI love that you wrote a drama. I love that it was ultimately a sincere picture of your walk with the Lord. I love the honesty here.
And I love this line of your prayer: "Fill the voids created by my self reliance."
so,
ReplyDeleteI read this and felt conviction and so I'm back to comment.
it took a couple of days, but I can't tell you how much my heart and soul needed to read this.
real.
raw.
truth.
no other words to describe it.
I am that girl in so many ways It makes me shiver.
so thank you my friend for being truthful and for testifying here.
Wow I am the same way.. so many fears it cripples me. But yes I choose Jesus and will trust him.
ReplyDeleteIf you could pray.. I am going on a trip which I have not in like 20 years by myself on a plane to Florida.
thanks.
Ladies, these comments blew me away! Thank you for being honest and opening up your hearts here. I am pouring out prayers from my heart for all of you. Lifting you up to our Lord and Savior.
ReplyDeleteKeep seeking HIM! He alone is our strength and He alone can carry all the burdens we think we have to lug around. Well, no longer! Lay them down, friends! He will give you the REST you are so desperately needing!
Jenn, what an incredible post. After sitting here a few minutes reflecting... I think that my main issue is not asking for help when I desperately need it. Trying to be superwoman, a martyr, I don't know. It makes no sense. Thank you for these words.
ReplyDelete