I have fallen off the Merry-Go-Round, my friends.
I’ve been whirling around on this ride for almost 5 years and I have come to the conclusion that even if I loosen my grip and get flung off, it’s okay. The pressure to stay on right in the center of things is too much of a struggle. When I’m holding on so tightly just trying to keep from slipping to the outer fringes of the Merry-Go-Round, I find my stress level going up. You know that whirring and blurring and centripetal force that is pulling, pulling, pulling against you the faster you go. That’s what blogging was feeling like for me. Finally, I knew that God was telling me to let go. He wasn’t going to pry my fingers off of the metal bar for me, though. I had to do the releasing.
It’s been hard, because I love to write.
But, the Lord showed me a hard truth.
I loved the attention and comments more.
So, I let go. I found myself safely transplanted to the grass just clear of the hard packed dirt circle created by so many others before me.
And its been good. I’m enjoying other things right now and learning so much about staying in the presence of the Lord all day long.
Country living is keeping right in His presence.
I’m captivated daily by the beauty I see around me. God’s glory is never so evident to me as when I am outdoors.
And so, God is calling me to higher things. I know I will still write. I will just have to learn to write for myself and ditch my emotional connection to the comments. I know I will still share my photography, because it speaks so highly of my Savior for whom it was all created.
I will still stop by at your blogs when I can, but I’m not going to cling to those metal bars any longer. It’s silly really, sitting there in the center with my legs and arms twisted around the post just trying to fight what God wants for me.
And what He wants, is me.
Not part of me, when I can squeeze Him in, but all of me. Every moment of every day, practicing His presence. I’m finding that this is a difficult discipline, but one He has called me to pursue. And since I am sold out to Him I am leaving behind what He is telling me to. He has a purpose and a plan for my life. That is this… Love me with all of your heart, and all of your soul, and all of your strength (Duet. 6:5). To do that I must release all that hinders me. I’m running toward my Savior, ready to be broken and poured out for Him!