Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Making Excuses

When I found out over 2 years ago that I was going to have a little girl I was so excited. I couldn't wait to dress her in pink and put her hair up in ribbons. Also I had this crazy idea that she would be easier to care for, less noisy and easy going. Boy was I in for a shocker! She has been noisy and demanding from the very beginning. I don't know why I had this ideal that little girls were quiet, demure little princesses. She slammed me into reality right quick! In my eyes she is my little princess, but I worry about how others view her. I know I shouldn't, but I do. Just as I did for Jacob, I find my self making excuses for her. Telling others she is just tired. I make this excuse so often it isn't funny.

I find myself using it most often at church (our main source of socializing). She seems to get overwhelmed by the amount of people. If someone talks to her or tries to touch her, she buries her head in my shoulder or gives them the death stare. This wouldn't seem so bad to me, but she does this to her brothers and dad. If her brothers try to hug her or sometimes if they just touch her she screams. I have been trying to get her to stop by sending her to sit in a chair when she does this, but I don't always catch it. And honestly sometimes it is just easier to tell the boys not to touch her. At times she won't even let Joel touch her. I have never dealt with this before. She just isn't affectionate. She just now is starting to give me hugs. If I ask her for a hug she will give me one about 40% of the time. The other times she just looks at me like I was speaking French.

She seems to require a strict routine too. I always have tried to keep on a certain schedule for my children's and my sake. It just keeps me sane. Lauren, however, seems to need it more than the boys ever did. Last night, I was tired and wanted to save time. I had Joel stick her in the shower with me instead of giving her a bath. Bad idea. She freaked. I washed her up and handed her out. She completely lost it. First, she didn't want to be in with me then when I gave her to Joel she fell apart crying and screaming this horrible scream. I'm not sure if these are temper tantrums of a normal two-year-old or something else.

Jacob was a more difficult toddler than the other two boys, but this- whew! I just don't know. I don't want people to think she is out of control, or that we just let her run like a wild animal. We are doing our best, but some days I just wish for that quiet, demure ideal. I know that God has made her who she is and I just need to help mold her through her childhood years. But, most days I feel like I am failing in this. You would think that after 3 boys I would have this figured out, but they are all so different. Lauren is definitely making me work for my title of Mommy. My daily prayer is that I will be the mommy she needs me to be, so that she can be the little girl God intends her to be.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Jen! I am so there with you! Our big deal of the day was Lucas wanting more milk every time I turned around. Finally I had to cut him off- no more milk today. I think I heard him repeat his request 200 times (no joke). It's like he can't help himself. It's so hard when you feel like your child should behave in a "socially acceptable" manner and they just can't or won't. I know what it feels like to worry that other people think you are raising a brat when in fact there is a lot of time outs and other discipline being given. I'm there with you sis!
    You are an excellent momma. Don't ever question that!


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