On my recent post about a difficult day of schooling that we recently faced, someone left a comment that at first I was like “WHAT?!” are people really thinking that, but then as I thought over it, it helped me look deeper.
“I'm sure some people were thinking ‘what's the big deal over the number 6’. Especially when there are so many things troubling others.”
I know that number 6 isn’t a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. It doesn’t even measure up to anything in this world that could be categorized as a tragedy or something to be really upset about.
I want to clarify.
It wasn’t the learning of the number 6 that I was concerned about. It was the fact that as a momma I have my children’s best interest at heart. It is heart breaking to watch your child struggle every moment of every day, just trying to reach into the recesses of his/her mind to find the answer to what the letter “h” says or what number comes after 6 when that question has been placed before them literally a hundred times before.
It also has to do with the fact that learning disabilities are just plain old HARD! Our days can be so difficult and honestly they are building some really strong character traits in me!
My momma’s heart wonders about the future. What will it look like for my boy who struggles to sound out words in his third grade reader? Will he be able to get a job that will support his future family?
And yes I know…”Be anxious for nothing…”. I try, I really do! I am doing much better with that then I used to. I know that God has plans for my bright young son, great and mighty and wonderful plans. Yet on that day the sorrow for my children and the difficulty of teaching them swept over me. I did not feel up to the task. At that moment I felt undone.
I know it wasn’t a tragedy. I know it wasn’t catastrophic. I know it wasn’t terminal. But, it was my moment. My mommy moment of sorrow.
In this world we often downplay others struggles and trials because they aren’t HUGE. I know, I am guilty of this at times. That comment on my blog was not meant to hurt me it was just an honest thought and honestly it was SO GOOD for me to read that.
How often have I overlooked or dissed others struggles? Too many times, I know. What they are going through at that moment may be big to them. It is there moment of struggle or sorrow and who am I to judge?
So, although the number “6” isn’t a huge deal in other people’s worlds it is in ours. Learning disabilities are difficult and frustrating for my children. It makes for tears and repeated feelings of defeat.
But I know that God doesn’t make mistakes. My children are beautifully and wonderfully made. This dyslexia thing, it makes them who they are. They see things in ways I never could. They are Creative, Funny, Imaginative, Energetic, all good and wonderful things.
God has a plan, I know! In this little section of this little moment His plan was to teach me that it’s okay to be sorrowful about 6 for a moment, but I need to remember God is bigger. And to remind me not to judge, but to see others through Jesus’ eyes, because He loves us all so mightily!
right on. amen.amen.amen.
ReplyDeleteOne can never understand this unless they are in the situation too. And your right it's a big deal to you. and to God for that matter.
bless your loving mama heart.
Oh sweetie, bein' a retired Special Ed. teacher I know your frustration. I know you have probably tried all the tips and tricks for dyslexia.
ReplyDeleteI remember a conference I attended once where we were told a story would be projected on the screen that we would be tested on. The word went up all jumbled and unreadable. After a few moments a voice filled the room and my heart. That is what 'reading' looks like to your students. I never looked at dyslexia and how I approached it the same again.
Yes, six can be a huge obstetrical in your world. I applaud you for educating your precious children.
God bless ya sweetie and have an amazin' day!
I have many words for you regarding this.
ReplyDeleteToo many for a comment box.
But
I think you know.
In fact...I'm sure you do.
Keep trying....
Fail.
Keep trying....
Repeat.
No mistakes were made in the moments, days and weeks, that our babies were knitted together in our wombs.
They just have a different stitch pattern.
God's pattern.
XO
So true. I think it is OK for us to have moments of grief as long as we don't let them lead us into despair. I appreciated that honest post so much!
ReplyDeleteYour children are beautifully and wonderfully made...and so is their Mama! God most certainly does have a plan for ALL of you and He knew just who to place these precious children with so that they could have the love and understanding that they needed. Loved this post and was tremendously encouraged by you, as I often am! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteYou're such an awesome teacher Jenn!
ReplyDeleteMay you all have a wonderful day tomorrow!
and thanks...now I have that song in my head :)
Six can seem catastrophic to the little one who can't seem to grasp it. There are no problems too small or large to take to God. You're a good momma, Jenn.
ReplyDeleteI just went back and read your original "six" post. Tears. Hugs. It is so hard. So many of my blogger friends have children with disabilities of so many different kinds. Some show outwardly. Some are subtle. My oldest has autism. Oh, man, we have struggled too.
ReplyDeleteYes, our God is Bigger... and Stronger. He is our strength when GOD HELP US we cannot on our own.
But also, I feel a quiet strength among my blogging friends. We lift each other up. We pray for one another.
She will get it. You will get her there. With His help.
(Hugs and prayers, my friend)
i love your words and "get" them!
ReplyDeleteand you are right...God has a plan for everyone...your son will do great amd mighty things for the Lord!!! :)
blessings~
Well said! It's OK to hurt for your kids and to feel like you are staring down an insurmountable mountain some days. As your sis, I think I can say that you are very aware of the needs/ hurts of others. I see you making efforts all the time to help others in their time of need and I witness you teaching your sweet kids the same thing. Stay strong in the Lord, Jenn!
ReplyDeleteI so get your mama heart! It is the struggle you are facing and that is huge. I appreciate your honesty!
ReplyDeleteYes, just exactly what you said. We do that here, too...knowing that 6 is not *who* your child is, knowing that God is in control and He has a good plan, trusting that He does not make mistakes and He will work all this to good.
ReplyDeleteAnd grieving, still, for the difficulty and the struggle and the frustration that they (and, therefore, we) face. It is sometimes so hard to know that there is this part of them that is "broken", not that *they* are broken or are anything less than perfect in who they are, but that there is this difference that is going to make life harder. You can't see dyslexia on the outside, but no one would question grieving if your child were physically challenged in a similar way. Some days the struggle and fear just get the best of you, some days faith comes a little harder than others. Sometimes it just wears you down.
Thanks for this honest post, I needed it today!