So Sorry

 

My son motioned to me to come to him. As I got closer I saw tears pooling in his eyes. In a trembling voice he told me he needed to talk to me.  I met him in his room and asked him what was wrong. With tears tumbling from his eyes, he told me that he had said something that he shouldn't have.  He had been angry with his brother and it had just popped out of his mouth in a rush of emotion. He continued to tell me how sorry he was and that he felt physically ill from keeping it to himself.  I thanked him for his honest confession and held him in my arms until he felt forgiven.

A perfect teachable moment presented itself when he said that he still felt awful about his bad choice even though he had asked God to forgive him repeatedly.  I gently put my arms around him, telling him that this was the exact reason why Christ died for us;to save us from our sins. When we confess our sins, the Lord wipes them away. He cleanses us.  He loves us so much that he doesn't keep account of all our wrongs but forgives us for each and every one.  The look of joy on his face was irreplaceable. His face lit up with a smile and his eyes shone. Then like all little children everywhere, he turned on his heel and rushed from the room to continue in his play.

Our conversation stayed with me longer.  I began to think about how I view confession of my sins.  Do I feel as remorseful for my mess ups as my son did?  When a bad word slips from my lips in anger, do I feel tears spring to my eyes and quickly seek the Lord's forgiveness? When I am sarcastic or short in my responses to those whom I love, do I feel my heart breaking?  As a young girl I would have answered yes to each of these questions. Like my son, I would feel physically sick until I confessed to God and my parents. Now, though, my conscience isn't so sensitive. I have let time harden me. Jesus said to his disciples

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:14-15

How easy it is for us to forget the innocence of our youth. To get hardened by the world and lose our sense of remorse.  I want to be more like my son. When I lose my patience I want to feel awful until I seek forgiveness. When I let my tongue run wild I want to my heart to hurt from the damage I have caused. I don't want to live like the world and feel I have the right to hurt others with my words just because they may have wronged me.  I don't want to live my life based on vindication. I want, I need to live my life surrounded by God's forgiveness, mercy and love.