Last week, during my visit with my sister, I picked up a book that was sitting on her end table, The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. The title had me intrigued so I flipped through the beginning pages. When I got to chapter two I decided to read a bit. WOW! I knew as soon as I finished the chapter that God was speaking directly to me through the words on those pages.
You need to serve.
Eight years ago my days were filled. They were overflowing with caring for three little boys 5 and under. There wasn’t time in my busy days, saturated with mommy, wife and household duties, for anything but serving those I loved. I didn’t have a spare minute to crochet. I did have an hour to read a book just for me. And I didn’t have the leisure to plop down on the computer and write. I spent my days giving and living for my family. And most days it was a pleasure.
These days my children are more independent their ages range from thirteen to four. They don’t need me to get them a drink every hour. They can dress themselves, brush their teeth, do chores. And I’m not changing diapers or potty training anyone. In short, I have more free time.
However, what struck me as I read those words that day was that some how I had lost sight of an essential part of motherhood. Some where over the past couple of years I slowly took for granted my “me” time. Tears came to my eyes and a heavy weight of failure settled in my chest as I realized my mistakes. My guilt stared at me, glaring and taunting.
I feel I have not served my older boys as I should. I took for granted their growing independence. My eyes and heart became glued to my own desires, on what I wanted for me instead of what was needed by my sons. I realized I need to ask my boys to forgive me. I need to make spending time with them a priority. I need to take time to scratch that itchy back, to listen to seemingly endless chatter about cowboys, Legos, and Star Wars, to take that walk back to the fort to see the newest addition. I need to meet more than just their physical every day needs. Most importantly I need to connect with them. To continue building our relationships, strengthening our bonds, drawing close to them so that as we enter the teen years they will feel able to come to me more freely.
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. Mark 10:45
Thankfully I have forgiving children. And a Savior who brings to my attention my sins, lovingly forgives, and wipes my slate clean.
Thank you Lord! I’m ready to serve!