Wednesday, June 8, 2011

In Just a Glance

I glanced in the mirror the other day while I was helping my daughter brush her teeth. Like electricity, a thought flitted through my mind. It was like a floundering spark there one minute gone the next, yet still hot to the touch. 

Just for a split second, in the time it took to take a glance, I was shocked that I was a mom of four. Me?  How?  When?

Sweeping the floor the kitchen floor one evening, a chore I repeat repeatedly, a thought like the wind blew through my brain.  Me, 38, domestic and with a family depending on me.  When did this happen? It is true?

Out in the garden, planting rows of corn, my mind wanders back.  I wonder what the boys in high school would think of me now?  Bare feet coated in garden dust, frizzy hair swirly around my beet red, moisture-beaded face.  I’m sure they would never have envisioned my future this way.  Can I?

How can this be?  When did time rush past me at the speed of light. How can my 14-year-old be way bigger than me when I held him in my arms only yesterday. How can I be as old as I am?  When did life as I know it happen?

Am I the only one who has these shocking, quick moving, stop you in your track thoughts?  They leave me speechless.  In a nano-second of time its like I’m standing outside myself and wondering how in the world I got where I am. Then just as quick I’m telling myself yes your life is your reality.

And this reality…I chose it!

So where does the shock of being a countrified,  homeschool mom of four come from?  I don’t rightly know.  But, time certainly is playing tricks.

Because only yesterday….

I was teaching preschool and knowing deep in my heart I needed to be home with my baby.

I had a baby on my hip and a toddler wrapper around my ankles.

I had a deep desire to live in the country.

I couldn’t garden big enough.

I started homeschooling (going on 10 years ago).

I became a momma again and again.

IMG_7245 (photo courtesy of Megan Kunkle)

And then time swept me up, twirled me around and presented me with a growing, changing, more independent, no more diapers kind of family.

In those quick, spontaneous glances, I may be shocked now and then that I am a momma to four. Time seems to have slipped through my fingers like so many grains of sand.  The days are changing us.  Yet, in those glances, in these days, there is satisfaction.

I’m right where I want to be. I’m here by God’s design and that’s just fine by me.

Just don’t ask me about it in that mere nano-second…who knows what I’m likely to say!


  1. Jenn, I love this so much! I love that you chose your reality, and what a beautiful and blessed reality it is!!! You are a beautiful woman- inside & out!!!!

  2. Wow.

    How can it all go by so fast?

    How can one moment be there and then gone?

    It's sad, but beautiful in the same breath. Beautiful because God is daily molding and making us into His image.

    If we can let him.

    What a beautiufl family you have. I have a pretty darn good feeling that our Father smiles down upon all the sacrifices and change you have made in these blessed years of your life Jenn:)

    Love you country girl!

  3. This is sweet...

    Love your family photo.


  4. Yes! There are times that I'm shocked that I'm 36 yrs old. And that I have 3 kids, working once I had my babes and living in the suburbs. You know I would rather be home full time and in the country, but my life now in my 30's is so much more comfortable and satisfying than it ever was in my 20's. And the suburbs have grown on me. It finally feels like home.

    Never ever thought I'd be this close to 40 so soon. LOL!

  5. Oh! I have these same thoughts! My life looks a little different from yours, still waiting to be mom of 4. But while I thought this was always what I wanted to do, how did I get here? How did so much time pass?

  6. Funny how where God leads us sometimes huh!!!

  7. First of all - the picture is beyond stunning and I love it.

    Secondly - I can relate so much to this. Time has been flying and I can not believe that I am the mom of 4 either... seriously, some days I think I'm 20, then I do that mirror glancing thing and gasp. :)

  8. LOVE this post, Jenn! We're still in the midst of the non-sleeping, almost-done-potty-training, constantly breaking up fights... and I keep reminding myself that it won't be long and I'll miss these days.

  9. yes, yes, yes. I am not sure how it happens, been trying to figure that one out. With the last one now potty trained, second grand child on the way, two in college . . .um . . .really?! Me? Mama to nine, mimi, homeschooling, yeah, a bit startling. In a very strange feeling season right now. But I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, really. Well, maybe on a bad day I'd like to run far, far away. But even then, I couldn't wait to get back home. Love you.

  10. Such a gift - that God allows us to see how our lives have been shaped into something beautiful - no matter what we originally planned!

    You have a beautiful family :)

  11. Oh Jenn, I so identify! I'm 49, homeschooled for 14 years, and just watched my youngest graduate from high school, and now getting him ready for college. I have those nano second thoughts ALL the time! Did you see my post Blessing in Green? I was having those moments then:)
    Looking forward to what's around the corner:)

  12. Loved this post true! :)

    Have a great week!

  13. It's funny where life takes us...and lands us.
    Love this post.
    You expressed it all so well and so true.
    Love, Kristin

  14. I think all those people in high school would be jealous to see where you are now, dirty feet and all! You've got it all - beautiful family and beautiful life. Those boys are kicking themselves for not sticking with you now! ;o)

  15. well spoken, jenn. amazing how swiftly life moves. bitter-sweet. *sigh* you have a beautiful family... beautiful life, indeed.

  16. Found your blog via At the Well, and this post really struck me. I feel that way all the time! I'll be doing something and then it will hit me, "Oh my goodness! I'm in my 30s and I've actually been married for 10 years." Crazy how life flies by.



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