Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Clueless and Careless

A little while back something was said to me during a conversation that left me speechless.  All I could do was put on a plastic smile and make a generic comment. I quickly excused myself and walked away.  Less than five minutes later, I was fuming.  I spouted off to Joel about what this person said.  I was so angry I didn’t even care that my children were in close listening range.  I do remember taming down my comments, but they still were not kind or gracious by any means.

As the days after this confrontation wore on, I was consumed by the words spoken to me.  I spent many moments playing the incident back in my mind.  I thought up all kinds of witty remarks.  Some that were pretty caustic and unnecessary.  Things, that given the opportunity, I would never say.  Yet, I thought them.  I continued through the days thinking horrible angry thoughts.  Every thing about this person began to irritate me.  And since we often have close contact with one another, I began to feel very bitter.

Nasty thoughts about this person filled my mind every time anything about her was mentioned. Anger and a sense of injustice began to take control.  My mind began dwelling on the negative thoughts I was having The more I  thought about it the angrier I got.  I knew I needed to forgive.  But I didn’t really want to.  This person has always had a grating opinionated tongue and I honestly was SICK of it.

But, the angrier I got the worse I felt.  It seemed that all my thoughts were being consumed by this person.  As the week progressed I knew I needed to forgive because I was becoming a mess.

On Thursday evening I went to Bible Study.  We had an awesome time of just playing worship music and praising God.  It was during that time that God reminded me how clueless and careless people can be with their words.  While listening to songs of God’s amazing love, I was reminded of His redemption.  How He died for my sins.  How He continually forgives and forgets all my transgressions.  And how He desires for me to forgive those who wrong me.  It was there during that time of worship that I gave all my hurt to my Savior.  It was there that He placed His healing hand on my heart and mended the cuts and bruises.  It was there through His grace and mercy I was able to forgive.

The thing is, I know that this person is clueless about how angry her words made me.  I’m sure she is clueless about how they hurt me.  I pretty sure she’s clueless about how harsh and demanding they sounded. I’m sure she wasn’t dwelling on her careless words like I was.  That’s the thing isn’t it!  I let that anger consume me.  I let the enemy get a toe hold and before I knew it he was ready to move on in.

The beautiful thing about this is that through her cluelessness she reminded me of an important lesson.

Careless words and thoughts are extremely damaging.

I Peter 3:8-11 says,

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.  For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it.


Through all of this I have learned once again (and I am still learning) how crucial it is to be careful of my words and thoughts.  I do not want to be thought of as careless and clueless.  I want to be compassionate with my words. I desire to love others as Christ loves them. I don’t want to appear clueless about others feelings.

And when someone once again hurts me with their careless words I want to forgive as God has forgiven me.  I do not want to repay evil for evil, but repay the insult with love, kindness and mercy.


  1. Jenn~
    Easier said than done.
    As someone who can easily say something dumb, and easily over analyze someone's words spoken to me, this was a great post to read and remember!

  2. I desperately needed to read this today! I love how God uses other people to minister to each of us, like you have done for me today! I have been going through a difficult time with my folks and fighting bitterness nearly every five minutes:) I have verses constantly running through my mind and I have been praying. I've found though, that as long as I'm not forgiving, the bitterness rolls right over it all and I have to try to start all over again! We simply cannot do it on our own:) Even when we have all the resources, eh?! I loved this post. Thank you!!

  3. 70x7 Unforgiveness, for me, is like pouring salt on a wound. Convicting post, today, Jenn!

  4. Wow Jenn! Thanks for being so transparent on something we all do, but rarely admit. :o)

    You know the best part of this? When that gal was careless and clueless with her words, it made you do the same thing...and in front of your children. Which was GREAT! B/c now that you've learned the damage it can do, you have also passed this beautiful and eternal message onto your children!

    What blessed children they are to have a mom who is willing to repent to them, and teach them from her own sins to help keep them from doing the same. :o)

    So glad to call you my sis! ♥

    Bless you dear sister!

  5. Oh how true this is Jenn! How often we say things without thinking first. We are all capable of this. May the LORD indeed help us by HIS grace to season our speech and love others as HE loves us. (Amazing thought really...I am so conscious of my unloveable-ness...yet, HE loves me for the sake of HIS precious Son!) How WONDERFUL our LORD is!!

    Love to you!

  6. You really can't dwell on tacky things people have done or said to you. It'll eat you alive.

    I'm certainly guilty of being on both ends of this. I've said things without thinking, then later realized how it must have sounded and felt so ashamed. And I've been the recipient of words and actions that were thoughtless.

    It's very hurtful, but all the scenerios I think up in my head where karma comes around and gets that person aren't doing my soul any good at all. You're right, you gotta learn to let go, or those thoughtless words are going to turn you into a hard, angry person, for sure.

  7. What a great post and so true...especially for me. This went straight to my heart. Thank you for your honesty.


  8. Bitterness? Oh yes, been there and done that. Good reminder of how easy it is to allow ourselves to carelessly drift into a destructive state of mind, and an even better reminder that forgiveness is possible because of how good God is to us. May we walk in His living-kindness and redemptive power!


  9. Oh boy, have I been there! And all the while the anger was destroying me. And for what?

    I'm so sorry you were hurt by this person's carelessness, but I'm so grateful to see how God used it for good in your life.

    Thank you for such a good post about not feeding those vindictive, bitter thoughts. We save ourselves so much pain if we can nip it in the bud and pray to be able to show the offender grace with our words and thoughts.

    Love you so much!

  10. This is such a great post! So often our anger and bitterness hurts us more than the other person. Often they do not even know we are upset. I also want to forgive as God has forgiven me.

  11. I hear you, here, Jenn.

    Thanks for sharing your honest heart.

    "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, oh Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."

    Great reminder today - to be all the more mindful of how we can easily affect others and not know it.
    Love you...

  12. My sweet friend...I'm stopping by to let you know I will be offline for the next month. It will be lovely to reconnect with you mid-August! Happy Summer!

    With Love,

  13. Jenn,
    This is so timely for one of my friends. Someone just did this to her yesterday and she was so hurt! I'm going to share this with her, I know it will help. Thank you for being so honest and sharing. . .you never know how far it will go :)

  14. 1 Peter chapters 2 and 3 and Romans 12 are some of my favorite chapters in the Bible, packed with words I need to hear. Thank you for sharing an opportunity that we all have to give into the wiles of the devil, or dig deep and show agape love. Perhaps sometime in a calm and quiet setting you can share some scripture with this friend and gently point out her words are often hurtful?

    Hope your weekend is lovely. May we all keep studying and digging deeper! Thanks again for the encouragement.


  15. I had this very thing happen to me today. What a surprise when I read this post tonight. Hum, I think God is trying to tell me something. Great post and great reminder to let this go. Laugh about it, and go on. That is what I need to do instead of getting bitter and angry.

  16. Jenn, a really great reminder than forgiving our debts means so much more than money owed us!


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