Five-twenty AM, it’s just him and I in the quiet of the morning. The tick-tock of the clock is magnified as we talk in hushed whispers to one another.
Today is the day. The long planned for and anticipated day. Deer season has begun.
We talk about what he’s going to do, where he’s going, what his plans are for this big deer hunt. He talks and I listen with my mother’s heart, buckets of love charging from my soul.
I see him by oldest boy so grown up, yet still my little boy. I want to grab him and hold him close. I want to cover his head in kisses. Instead we joke.
I watch as he dons his many layers. I hold my breath as he doses every inch of his clothing and equipment in dirt spray. I help him tighten his fanny pack full of essentials. He doesn’t really need my help, I just need to give it.
Love pours from my eyes as I watch him place the orange camo hat that was his dad’s when he was a teenager, on his head. Can he see it? Can he feel the thickness of the love and compassion in our little mudroom?
I can. It’s lodged in my throat.
He picks up his gun. I don’t dare hug him now and leave my scent on him for the deer to catch. So I pretend to hug him. I blow him kisses. He smirks. I tell him I will be praying for safety and a successful hunt as he heads out in to the dark.
I walk quickly through the house to the living room window. I watch him as he walks across the yard. I pray. I watch as he reaches the field. I pray. I watch until I can’t see him anymore and I pray.
I pray, thanking God for sending me such a wonderful son. And I ask Him to provide safety, wisdom, and success to my growing up man/child. And I ask Him to guide me as we walk together into this brand new time of life. A big boy getting bigger and a momma who is learning to let go bit by bit.
And in the quiet I hand him over to God…again.
UPDATE…..
(Deer #2 shot in the evening.)
The Buck Master has arrived!
UPDATED UPDATE…
(boy #2 shot his first ever deer last night)
oh...the love of a mama! this melted my heart!
ReplyDeleteso glad he got one!!! :)
Now...
ReplyDeleteYou knew this would make me teary, right?
Oh boy!
Or should I say...
Oh, almost man!
XO
You'r such a good Momma. Yay,and congrats Ikey!
ReplyDeleteCool. Congrats on the first big one!! For you and him! ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat a successful morning. You make me cry every time I read about him growing up and you letting go. I know my day is coming too. I know I'll have someone to walk me through it :) Love you!
ReplyDeletelooks like the boys are taking good care of momma!
ReplyDeleteWhat a day! Looks like you'll be needing more freezers:+) Those are some big bucks. Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteThis was so sweet! My oldest is a boy, and I hope I handle him with the grace I see here.
ReplyDelete(Love your quote about photography at the bottom...so true!)
Oh...
ReplyDeleteMy husband hunts too, and it briefly crossed my mind last weekend that it will only be a few years and our oldest will be able to tag along. And then I decided NOT to think about it. Yet. Because I don't have to.
Looks like ya'll are going to be eating well all winter!!! :o)
ReplyDeleteOh so sweet... your posts about your growing boys make me think about the next stage in my life... when mine are bigger than I can believe and I have to learn to let go more and more. Oh my heart...
ReplyDeleteNovember 15th - I never knew it was such an anticipated day till I married a hunter and moved to MI. :) Wow oh wow, it's a holiday for sure. :)
Oh this brings back memories! I grew up hunting with dad. I may not have loved it as much as my brother did, but I'm so glad I had that time with my dad. And look at all that venison you will have now!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm learning to see as you have also exemplified here that giving our children to God is not a one time thing....but something we do over and over in different ways and different times. You are such a fabulous example to those of us with younger children. And God hears all those prayers for your oldest! He will honor them!
OH this is just so sweet (& my Mummy heart is crying out in empathy with you). Well done to your son for his kill & well done to you for taking the step in letting go.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Renata:)
lord have mercy!
ReplyDeletea mama that is proud of her boys:):):)
touches my heart.
and
CONGRATULATIONS TO THOSE BOYS!!!!
please note: I will be waiting patiently for some venison recipes to show up here soon:)
Oh Jenn...you write it out so beautifully. I love it! Yippee for all that wonderful meat! God is truly Good!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Camille
What a wonderful post. Congrats to your two sons. Definitely a rite of passage here. So awesome!
ReplyDeleteCongrats to the both of you! The pictures are fantastic. :)
ReplyDelete