Living on a single income was a choice we made 11 years ago. It wasn't an easy one, but was what we felt was best for our family. Over the years we have learned a great many things. We have learned to manage our money and live simply. We have learned that money doesn't buy happiness. And that you really can live on less!
But, there are times like today when I feel the pinch. I have been struggling with back pain for about 4 months. Today I couldn't stand it any longer, I made an appointment. It turned out to be an expensive appointment. When I saw the figures and did a mental add up, I felt my heart sink. Then when I found out the my sciatic pain would not be a quick fix I felt anxiety creeping in. Our insurance is not great and won't cover a good portion of the cost.
As I was driving home, I struggled with the weight of the whole ordeal. I know I need to get this taken care of. I am living with an old ladies back and I'm only 35. I need to have back my range of motion and be able go through my days pain free. Yet on the other hand the money issue looms before me. I slowly allowed a cloud of gloom to shadow my thoughts and feelings.
By the time I got to my parents home to pick up my children I was fighting off tears. I knew this wasn't a major medical situation and it definitely could be worse, but I had allowed my anxiety over the cost of the whole affair to take hold of me. I had taken matters into my own hands and forgot to just give it to the Lord. Thankfully He didn't let me wallow in my self-pity for long! He got a hold of me and placed in front of me a beautiful reminder...
My sweet, little Lauren came up to me as I was wandering the house with my brain all a flutter, and asked if I would sit down and play the piano with her. As we settled on the bench, I reached for my song book. I opened it up and this was the song before my eyes...
Beautiful, beautiful, Jesus is beautiful, and Jesus makes beautiful things in my life.
Carefully touching me, causing my eyes to see, Jesus makes beautiful things of my life.
Words and Music by Dennis Cleveland
I may not know what my Lord has in store for me through this time. But if I allow Him, He will make Beautiful things of my life!