"...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has pourd out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us." Romans 5:3-5
It is hard for me to find the words to describe how I am feeling. For the most part I feel amazingly peaceful about this whole situation. I know that God is in control. He knows the pain I am in. He knows that I would love to be up taking care of my family. He knows that at times I feel like a burden to my family members. He also knows that I am looking to Him. I am waiting on Him. I am learning to let go and let Him shape my character through this trial.
I have had my share of tears. Some due to a feeling of helplessness, but most from the pain. The Lord knows my heart and He is really working on me emotionally and spiritually. He is strengthening me, refining me.
I have had a good deal of uncertainty, but the Lord knows this, too. He is helping me to let go and trust in Him. He is upholding me and I am leaning gratefully on Him as I wait for him to show me the way.
'So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you in my righteous right hand. For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid,...for I myself will yelp you,' declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 41:10, 13 & 14
Thankfully I have the strength, love, mercy and goodness of the Lord to help me through this without Him I would be lost.