This girl, my dress up, lovin’ princess…
Makes my heart swell.
Such a gift. Such a blessing.
Paints a smile on my face.
Produces fits of laughter.
And lights up every room she enters.
My forever girl who whispers of love for her forever momma.
Wrapping precious arms around my neck.
Filling my senses with abounding sweet calm.
God’s gift. God’s blessing.
A dish mountain building in the sink,
Books, notebooks, pencils, crayons scattered,
Laundry in various stages of doing and undoing,
Dinner simmering on the stove,
A Lego city in development stages on the living room floor,
Children running and laughing,
Candles flickering,
Hugs and smiles exchanged in passing,
Speaks more of a welcome sanctuary than any picture perfect palace.
They slip right out. Slithering and escaping from between my lips before I can even seem to clamp my mouth shut.
Hurtful words. Words that would wound my very heart of they were said about me.
No one outside of my home would ever realize I could speak this way. Such mean and damaging phrases. Yet, I use them, in anger, on my family.
There are times I shut off the flow. Successful in averting the wrath. Other times, sadly, I just don’t care. I’m angry. I let it pour out unhindered.
I often ask myself after these times of ugliness, how a loving mother could treat her own children in this manner. Why do I let my frustration and anger get the best of me. I teach them to just walk away and cool down when they feel the hot surge of anger rising. Why don’t I take my own advice.
Instead I end up yelling. Damaging and hurting those that are so close to my heart.
It’s at those times I know the devil must be doing a victory dance, because once again I’ve let him have the upper hand. He has controlled my mind and mouth, filling me up with atrociousness.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to apologize to my children. Too many to count. Too often for my momma’s heart to want to admit.
Psalm 19:14 says,
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
It’s hard to fail. To know I haven’t pleased the Lord with my words and thoughts. It hurts when you know your words have inflicted pain. It is never easy to look within and see an ugliness there that is usually so easy to hide away.
I can choose to bury it and pretend to have it all together. Or I can let it out into the open. Share my failings. Open my heart. Show the imperfection.
I am guilty of using my words to wound.
I am guilty of causing my children to cry because of harsh words.
I am guilty of placing a crushed and wounded look on my children’s faces because I poured forth anger and damaging statements.
I am guilty.
Thankfully, I serve a forgiving Father. One who takes away my guilt. One I can turn to when I have messed up. One who strengthens me. One who can help fill my heart and mind with words of love and comfort and steady discipline, when needed.
Thankfully, I have forgiving children. Who know I am not perfect. Who I can turn to with tears running down my cheeks and repent of my erring ways. Who in turn enfolded me in their sweet childish arms and sooth my heart with words of endearment.
I am forgiven!
My children, my loves, who love me even when I am unlovable. My treasures from God.
May I fill them up with words of encouragement, love, and appropriate correction. May they see in their failed mother, a heart that truly loves them even in the hard, trying moments.
Oh Lord, let it be so.
Here’s to a gorgeous fall day! The crisp air graces ones cheeks with pink spots and fills the senses with tranquility. A steaming cup of tea just tops it all off!
Have a GREAT weekend!
No words today…letting God’s beautiful creation speak for itself.
***Head on over to At The Well to read my most recent article on how after many years of inconsistent Bible Study with my children, I have finally worked out a system to help us join together daily for the studying of God’s word.
I have nothing witty.
Nothing amazing.
Nothing extraordinarily outstanding on my mind right now.
What I have at this moment is life. My life. Rattling around in the rooms of my mind.
There’s the sickness that seems to continue to haunt us…another child down. AGAIN. The fourth round in 6 weeks. I’m praying for strength. I’m holding on to God and I’m refusing to let this bring me down as it has in the past.
There’s school. Always at the forefront of my mind. How can I make our days flow more smoothly? How can I instill in my boys the desire to do their best and work their hardest in every thing they do? How do I help them see the importance of learning? How do I impart a joy of learning and excitement of digging deep into subjects?
There’s this teenager thing. I feel clueless. Really clueless. Like walking in a lightless room stubbing my baby toe again and again and again, clueless. Thankfully I have faith in an amazing God. I know He will light our way through this time. I may still feel a lack of wisdom on how to handle situations that arise and I know there will be heartache, but I have the Lord and He has us in the palm of His hand. I’m sure I’ll still stub my sensitive baby toe, but, with God, at least I’ll know what I’m kicking at.
There’s the usual household stuff. You know… What’s for dinner? How did everyone run out of clean underwear so fast? Why does the sink fill up with dirty dishes so quickly? Who smeared toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror? Will somebody burn the trash already!
So you see, it’s not high and lofty thoughts that fill my mind, but the everyday, my life, my children, my schedule, my GOD that rumbles and twists and repeats in my head. Sometimes jumbled and confused and sometimes crystal clear.
MY LIFE.
Don’t let her cuteness fool you. She is a spitfire and ace scavenger. The other morning the boys found Lauren’s fair doughnut that she was saving for an important snack on the hallway floor. The doughnut, which was still inside a lunch baggie (thank goodness), had been maimed beyond recognition. Someone (doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who) had removed it from the kitchen counter in the middle of the night and chawed on it. Kitty has now earned the right to spend her nights shut down in the basement.
Aren’t they just adorable! HMMMM. After a week off of our schedule, it seems these three hooligans think that life should be just as easy and laid back as the week we spent at the fair. The disobedient bug bit and infected my boys with ornery attitudes and speech. Therefore, you can just imagine the whininess and lack of willingness, I encountered when it was time to get down to business. I think I’ve got them whipped back into shape…but it has not been an easy week for any of us. LOTS of prayer, people, LOTS of prayer! And a good chunk of discipline didn’t hurt either. I think we are now in a better place with our attitudes and mind sets…at least I hope so.Last week was FULL.
A bit too full for my liking.
Fair week has a way of doing that to a 4-H family.
The boys showed and sold 4 of these…
and two rabbits. The rest of the turkeys and 5 rabbits now fill up our freezer (except for the one lone tom who has a funky toe and a growth on his chest…he alone was spared and is at this moment wandering the yard). MMMMM~we’ll be eating good this winter!
Even though it was busy and kept me in a constant state of motion, it was good! The boys worked hard right alongside, Joel and I. They learned a lot and who wouldn’t enjoy hanging out at a country fair all week! Their were hot fresh doughnuts, french fries, elephant ears, caramel apples…easy to put on a pound or two if your weren’t working so hard!
This week its back to normal…
Its back to school for all of us. I’m glad! I’m ready for our daily schedule and I’m happy to be home. My boys…they may tell you different, but at this point their opinion doesn’t really matter! :)
I’m looking forward to more home cooked meals and time spent together doing our normal.
Living With Confidence In A Chaotic World by Dr. David Jeremiah, published by Thomas Nelson, is a book that brings hope and peace in these troubled days in which we live. It delivers a message of confidence which we can hold on to.
Dr. Jeremiah’s book is full of Godly advice. Each of the ten chapters deals with an area in out lives in which we can build our confidence and our walk with God, to help us deal with these scary times that we live in. Some of the various topics are: Stay Connected, Stay Calm, Stay Centered and Stay Consistent.
From the chapter, Stay Calm, Dr. Jeremiah writes,
Jesus says, “Believe in me. Believe in the reality of my home.Then believe my promise. Believe.” For some, believing can be difficult to accept because the problems of this world are visible and tangible, but the hope and power come from an invisible reality. Our only bond to that world is our faith- our decision to believe.
I enjoyed reading Living With Confidence In A Chaotic World. Dr. Jeremiah fills his book with useful and Godly advice. In each chapter he uses stories to illustrate and pull the reader in. I especially appreciated this aspect because I had it in the back of my mind that this book was going to be a dry read. However, it was quite the opposite! I highly recommend this book to everyone. It will help you to find the peace that only God can bring during times of trouble and uncertainty.
*Thomas Nelson Publishing provided me with a complimentary copy of this book. I was not paid in any way to review this book.
