Burdened?

I’m a worrier by nature. I think I was born worrying. As I got older the worry, turned to anxiety and then exploded into fear.

I’ve fought fear’s debilitating grip on my life for years. I prayed and begged God to take it from me, but still it remained. It immobilized me. It morphed me into someone I didn’t like. I became obsessive and compulsive. Most days I didn’t care if I or my children EVER left the house.

Last spring, at a ladies conference, (that I wanted to go to, yet was afraid to go to) it finally hit me. A light bulb moment. I still had so much fear in my life, because I refused to hand it over to God. I was refusing to trust Him in all things. That weekend my healing began.

Days, weeks, and months of studying, praying, and seeking God began. And the fear evaporated. It was the first time in 14 years that I wasn’t engulfed by fear.

Until last week.

When I listened to the enemy’s lies and picked up the fear I had laid down.

The result.

A week spent weighed down. Stomach aches each and every day. Depression. Tiredness. And an inability to feel God near.

Which is really ironic, because last week I was preparing to take part in a ladies conference on Saturday where I was part of the ministry team.  My first opportunity to minister to other ladies in such a capacity. I was super excited at first, but as the week wore on dread started to take over. Fear drenched me.

More ironic than ironic was the fact that my portion for the conference was a drama, that I had written (hello!). My character was a lady who was burdened down. She was carrying all this weight, a whole bunch of baggage. Guilt, depression, anger, addiction, fear, unbelief…

 

                              

My character/me weighed down with baggage (actually VERY heavy field stone packed into my purse)

In the drama, she/I end up seeking God, crying out to Him and giving everything up to Him in prayer.

Oh Lord, Save me! Help me! I don’t want these burdens. I can’t carry them any more. I’m so tired, weary, worn down, broken. I give you my fears, my anger, my depression, my guilt, my control, my LIFE. Fill me Jesus. Fill the voids created by my self reliance. Fill them with your mercy, grace, and peace. Fill them with your love. Fill these black holes with your glorious, Holy presence. Fill them with your strength. Fill ME with your power and your healing. You Lord are light and majesty. King of kings and Lord of lords. You are El-Shaddai, All sufficient. You are Jehovah Rapha, my healer. You are Adonai, my Lord and Master. You alone can carry my load. I trust you. Lord, I trust you. You alone are enough! You are more than enough!

I don’t know if I my drama touched anyone else’s heart, but it totally spoke to mine. There was a lot less acting involved and a whole boat load full of honesty.

What it boiled down to was that when I picked my fears back up again, I stopped trusting God.  How foolish. I had the cure and I chose the illness instead. Very thick headed, indeed.

How about you?

What are you carrying today? What is weighing you down? Is it concern for you children? Anger. Guilt. What is weighing you down? Is fear wrapping its icy grip around your heart? Addiction. Unbelief. What is weighing you down? Are you being pulled under by depression? Or have you given your heart and attention over to something other than God? What is weighing you down? Are you confused and lack complete trust in who God is and what he desires for you?  Are you bitter? Or shy? What is weighing you down?

There is freedom from your burdens, right here, right now! Jesus has the answer.

Matt. 11:28 says, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.”

Jesus is waiting. Will you trust Him today? He desires to carry your burdens for you.

Bring your burdens offer them up to the Lord. They are no longer yours! He will free you from the weight you have been carrying for so long.

So what are you going to choose?  Will it be Jesus, who is LIFE and REST or will it be your burdened, weighed down, worry-filled, worn out, unfulfilled life?

I’ll give you a hint:  Jesus is the only choice that will give you joy, freedom and rest.

I choose Jesus!

Whoa!

As of today at 11:34 am, I will have two teenagers in my home.  WHOA!

Back in my younger days I thought these days would be at least a smidgen of an eternity away. NOT SO!

Here I am. Here we are. Hurtling head long into the teenage years. Seriously, I don’t know if I’m old enough for this! But, here it is anyway and so today I must tell you about the newest teen in our family.

 

This boy here, he’s made his presence know from the very moment he was born!  He is full of life and enough energy to run electricity for a small village (at least)!

 

 

He is goofy and funny and just plain makes me laugh!

 

(Yes, this is my super hero decked out in underwear…and yes, he said I could put this on my blog!)

He is the master of imagination…

                      

 

A mighty hunter.

A young man with a heart of gold.  And a heart for God.

This boy who in ten minutes will begin a new journey steals my heart with his lightly freckled nose, his ocean deep brown eyes, the bounce in his step, and his never see them coming hugs!  He is a true Tigger!

 

J, I love you with an everlasting love. You are a light in this household.  An absolute blessing to your dad and me. Never lose your joy in life. Hold on to your smile and laughter. God has given you the ability to find the positives in all situations and He has given you the drive to keep on keeping on. True blessings indeed. 

You have my heart!

 

Lord, I give my boy, my bouncing, smiling, laughing, joking, full of life son, over to you! He is your beautiful creation and I thank you for this precious gift! Fill him Lord with your presence. May he always serve you!

Heartbreak

It’s been tough this past week and a half.

We found out that my brother and sister-in-law’s sweet baby girl would not live.

What they thought would be a joyful ultrasound where they would find out if they were having a boy or girl was actually filled with sorrow. They learned that their sweet baby girl would not survive. Her heart was not beating as it should. She was retaining fluid and she had stopped growing properly. Her heart just couldn’t continue on.

This past Thursday they learned she had passed away. Sweet baby Bella Elyse was born on Friday morning around 7:00am. Her body may have been born to this world, but her precious soul was in the arms of Jesus.

Please pray for my brother, my sister-in-law, (who is very much a sister, to me), their three little boys, my parents and her parents as they attend a very private service today.

Heavenly Father, We come before you today with hearts that are broken and bleeding.  The grief and sorrow are great, but we know you are the Comforter. Lord, I pray today that you would surround them with your sweet, comfort. Hold them close, fill them with Your Presence.  As the days continue, I just pray for healing of their hearts. You are Jehovah Rapha, the Healer. Through this time of sorrow, pain and trial, I know you will prevail. Draw them to you Lord Jesus with Your everlasting love.

In Your Precious and Holy Name,

 

Amen

A Few Winter Raindrops

It’s picture time again!  I was thrilled to be able to get out a couple times this week and capture some beautiful, nature shots. However, my fingers, nose, toes protested just a bit to the cold.  The beauty I was able to capture took my breath away.  When I’m out taking pictures, I feel so close to God.  His glorious majesty is all around me and it is during those moments my heart and soul worship Him.

This weeks Scavenger Hunt Items:  Sunset, Black & White, A Day in My Life, Four, Colorful

 

Sunset

This particular evening I was in the middle of dinner preparation and just happened to glance out the window. I ran to my room grabbed my camera, threw on my crocs and a heavy flannel shirt and flew out the door.  I raced across the frozen ground twisting my ankle only once and almost losing my shoes a few times.  I half walked/jogged a funny pace with my toes curled to keep my shoes on, trying to beat the retreating sun.  I finally got past the tree line and to the field where I could capture some of the fleeting beauty.

 

Black & White

The other morning my son rushed in from doing my chores to tell me to grab my camera, because there were some raindrops I would probably want to capture. Oh Boy, was he right! He came along with me to be my guide. I loved having him with me pointing out all the great photo opportunities.  He has such a good eye for spotting things that for most people would just blend in.

 

Linked up with Misty:

A Day in My Life

Tea blankets spread all around the living room ready for an impromptu tea party. (Plus I wanted to get a picture of her wearing the hat I had made her for Christmas.) A VERY daily event at our house!

 

Four

I promise I didn’t eat all of those….just a couple!

 

 

Colorful

This clump of rose hips was one of my son’s finds. He spotted them hiding out in a clump of vines and trees. PERFECT, is what I think!

 

 

Linked up with Ashley:

 

Have you seen MCP’s latest giveaway?  Check it out here they are giving away Canon 5D MKII + 85 1.8 lens OR a Nikon D700 (Body Only).

Winter Wonderland

I finally got out my camera, after several weeks of hiatus. I love doing the weekly Scavenger Hunt over at Ashley’s. It pushes me to find new and different things to photograph. What a great way to learn more about photography and to fine tune the skills I have learned. It’s the perfect set up for any photographer.

This weeks items: Stacked up; Winter wonderland; Sweet; Hole; Frozen

 

Stacked up

On Friday’s we have a relaxed school day. This week my daughter decided a morning paint session was in order for her  school work.

 

Winter Wonderland

The Wild Rose bushes that can be so pesky during berry picking in the summer, become one of my favorite things to photograph in the winter.  I love the bright, cheery, red/orange set against the white snow.

 

Sweet (stack)

I originally shot this one for “stack”, but then I never got around to getting a photo for sweet. I figure the stacked chocolates worked for sweet and maybe Ashley will give me bonus points for getting one photo to fit into two categories!

 

 

Hole

Along the back-country, dirt road there was a hole in the trees that line the road.  A perfect place to stop and take a photo of this old barn and silo.

Frozen

After a week of upper 40 temperatures, winter finally remembered it was January and gave us temps of 15 degrees. Can you see the frozen sap on the pine cone?

 

 

Linked up with Ashley:

A Peaceful Kind of Quiet

It’s been quiet around here lately. A good take a deep breath, hold for a second, exhale, peaceful kind of quiet. I haven’t done much blogging or picture taking, and it actually feels good. Why I get so bunched up about posting, I don’t know. This time of not caving into pressures of my own making has been good for me. 

Light bulb moment.

My world does not center around what I write or don’t write. It doesn’t center around who comments and who doesn’t. Blogging does not need to be a vicious circle for me.  I don’t need to scramble to come up with awesome, amazing posts so that I can have hordes of followers and many comments. 

I just have to write my heart.

And if that means for a season my blog is quite then its okay.  If that means I shout out God’s workings in my life with a boldness that shocks people or offends, it will be goodness for the sake of the Savior I serve.  If it means that people get bored with what I am writing then so be it.

This blog is not for entertaining it is for the spilling and growing of my heart.

 

Honestly, if God wants people to read my blog, He will bring them. 

I don’t need to impress. I just need to be me, sharing God’s light with all that is within me.

 

 

Deep breath in, hold, exhale slow and steady.

Peace.

God is in me. Moving. Teaching. Leading. Where He leads I will follow.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.         Isa. 26:3

Mr. Hollywood Takes One For the Home Team

 

  

A.  Received a well thrown snowball with a stone so sweetly embedded in it.

B.  Played make-up with daughter.

C.  Forgot to say, “Yes, dear!”

D.  While working on car, tripped over saucer sled, flailed uncontrollably before slamming face into ladder hanging on wall, narrowly escaping impalement on a sharp protrusion nearby.

E.  All of the above

 

Yes, he is so very stoic in these photos. Strong, serious and absolutely hilarious looking with a black eye.

 

*I would highly advise you not choose option “C”! Joel thought it quite comical to tell the guys at work that he either forgot to say, “Yes, dear” or “This is what I got when I told her I wasn’t getting her anything for Christmas.”:)  HMMMMM.

 

Move

I sat down just for a moment to catch a breath after lunch. The afternoon slump rushed towards me. It engulfed me and flowed over me. I shouldn’t have sat down. I felt immobilized, sleepy and my limbs felt powerless. My brain seemed to go into hibernation mode. My thinking slowed and I knew if I didn’t get up and move I would slump over in sleep.

It’s not a good feeling when I have so much that needs done. I forced myself up. I began slowly to work on cleaning the kitchen. Bit by bit my body and mind began to gain speed. Soon I revved up to normal speed and my mind began to fire on all cylinders.

Sluggish.

That’s how I’ve been spiritually in the past. I’ve been happy in my comfortable place. Holed up away from the world. Safe. Secure.

Deep in my little protective nest. Sleepy. I don’t get hurt there. There’s nothing scary there. Warm and dependable. I know exactly what to expect.

But.

I don’t get blessed there. I don’t shine there. I don’t share Jesus there. I don’t grow there. I don’t move there. I remain small and stagnant. Powerless.

I’ve learned so much in the past year.

God didn’t call me to become a recluse in my own home or church. He didn’t call me to safety and warm fuzzies. He called me to move for Him. His Great Commission doesn’t say keep God’s Holy, Saving, life-changing Word to yourself. No. God called me to spread His Word, to chase away the darkness. Those who don’t know Christ, who do not have a relationship with Him, who don’t believe, they are walking dead (Eph 5:14; Col 2:13). Doesn’t that just shake you up? And those in the church just going through the motions. They are sleeping. It’s time to wake them up.

This year, 2012. God has given me the word, “MOVE”. I’ve been sleeping too long. My brain and limbs immobilized by fear. My heart captured by things other than God. This time, here and now, He is challenging me. Asking me to step out of my comfort zone. He is teaching me how to share who Jesus really is. Yes, He is love, but so much more, too. He is everything and more than enough to fill all the empty voids in our lives.

And as I type this I know that God has given me the word “move” as the heading for my year, but also the subtitle of “more than enough”.  He is that!  I am learning to grasp that and pray that daily.

“Lord, you are enough!”

“Oh, that we might know the LORD! Let us press on (move) to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring."  Hosea 6:3 (emphasis and italicized wording, mine)

“For in Him we live and move and exist…”  Acts 17:28

 

I’m sending out a wake up call to you. What are you willing to do?  Are you going to charge ahead into battle for the Lord or are you going to go AWOL?  I’m choosing battle. I’ve been asleep too long. I’m “armoured” up and stepping out. Let’s wake the sleeping. Let’s show the dead that there is life. A bright, radiant, everlasting, full to the top, life with Jehovah, our God, our Savior, Life Giver, All Sufficient! He is enough!

“But you are chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light.”  I Peter 2:9