Today I felt the pressures of life looming before me. I felt them mounting a tirade and placing their heavy boot of oppression on my chest. The day became overbearing. Thoughts of days to come with all their uncertainties and demands pulled me down.
I was hanging laundry on the line running through my list and all the “what if’s” in my head, when I realized I was trying to order my days. Days that hadn’t even come to be. I was borrowing trouble. I was taking control.
Right then and there I took a moment. I went over to one of my favorite sitting rocks and sunk down to rest.
I closed my eyes and sat. I bowed my head and whispered one word, “Help!”
It was then that I felt it. God’s bright sun warming my back.
And I heard it. God’s birds singing praises to Him.
And I smelled it. God’s fresh, invigorating spring wind.
And I knew. I knew He was with me. I knew He had taken my burdens. I knew He was in control. And I knew how much He loved me.
Why is it I always snatch back control of my minutes, my days, my weeks, my future? In these moments of self reliance I turn my gaze away from the very One I am seeking. I place importance on my ability. I become my own god. In writing, plain black and white, those words tear at my heart. Am I so bold as to think I can do all and be all without falling in messy heap? When stress lays heavy on me, if I truly have my heart aligned with God’s, I should cling to Him more readily. He is the One I can depend on. He has ordered my days already. He is my strength, my fortress, my refuge. He has control of all of my “What If’s”.
Today God reminded me through the beauty of His earth, just how much He loves and cares for me. He knows. And just knowing that eases my heartache.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:4-5